Streams of Comfort

This three-part poem is an expression of my anxieties when it comes to the permanence of relationships. Though not all our friendships are permanent. Their effects are. Words spoken in an instant can last a lifetime. The content of this poem explores the conflict of understanding oneself and the permanence of relationships, portraying feelings of exile, desire for home, and the pain of separation.

An exile of my own body, soul, and heart
An enemy of my own state
Where do I find home?
No choice but to make one
No choice but to build one
Where do I find a place?
Part anchor, part no man’s land
Part desire, part inevitable
Where do I find permanence?

I thought permanence was what I wanted;
Lonely hearts starve in the barren wasteland.
Turning, turning
Kneeling on the cold ground of my anger
I don’t want to need you.
The strings that held me together were tied by you
My pierced heart meant nothing in your jealous rage,
Serious as you were about causing pain.
So, I ran away in my soul.
Until I couldn’t see you
Didn’t want to see you anymore.
In the heat of the moment, I was dazzled by the fire of forgetfulness.
Leaving couldn’t stop the pain,
But gave me death
The separation I thought I needed.

But the world’s not ending today
Is it?
As I wandered the plains and peaks of our hearts,
I held onto to you
Still drawn by the way you breathe life.
Too late did I draw the line
Advice I should have taken before war was declared
But we’ve fallen across the point of no return.
Loneliness lost the war
And your hands still hold mine.

Alice R, 4/29/23