Streams of Comfort

Our desires often control the direction of our lives and animates our actions. I recently read a book that challenged me to stop avoiding my desires. To see them for what they were, both the good and the bad. And two questions consumed my mind. Are these desires what I really want? Or are they what I am willing to settle for because what I desire seems impossible? The book I read referenced this quote by William Blake, “Those who restrain desire do so because theirs is weak enough to be restrained.” In other words, we tend to settle for small desires that we can restrain if they are harmful. Where truly fulfilling desires cannot be restrained.  And as believers, we know that there is only one real focus of all our possible desires, Jesus. This poem is my journey from restraining both the good and bad of my personal desire to discovering what I have been looking for. And as you read, I hope you too discover what you have been looking for.

I heard desire drop from my heart with a thud,
And I looked down in response to the sound,
But it was already too late.
It had taken off,
Sprinting into the distance,
Giving me no time to grasp for it,
Leaving an illuminated path behind that alarmed me.
Desire was meant to stay secret,
Its warped and crooked parts hidden in obscurity,
Its beautiful and acceptable parts,
Faintly visible within ones actions.
But here mine was running rampant in plain sight,
Leaving a zigzag path in its wake,
That only straightened out occasionally,
Exposing my distressed heart.
So I gave chase.
And we ran,
My desire and I,
With me always a few steps behind.
We dashed through beautiful valleys of golden flowers,
Waded through swamps of murky water,
Climbed up and down snow tipped mountains,
Swam through treacherous waters of the sea,
And slid through lands that were full of mud,
And when I was covered in filth and utterly spent,
We flew.
Through the sky and up into the heavens,
Until the world was left behind,
And I was lost to my desire,
No longer perceiving it,
No longer understanding it,
Only registering its straight path upward,
That led to somewhere that far exceeded all comprehension,
Until the path came to a sudden end at someone’s feet.
I looked up and beheld a magnificent one,
A creator,
Perfect and just,
Good and faithful,
Omnipotent and glorious,
The one who gave life its meaning.
And the glory that encircled him,
Threatened to melt me away along with the filth that covered me.
“God,” I breathed in recognition.
And my knees gave way beneath me,
I dropped down with a thud just as my desire had,
And I could do nothing but behold in fear and in awe,
The hollowness of my heart became achingly prominent.
And after a while I was aware of something in his arms,
It was my desire,
But it looked different then what I had chased after.
It was glowing and fulfilled,
Content and full of light,
With no crooked or warped parts,
That I had been so desperate to hide.
And the magnificent one extended his right hand toward me,
“Is this what you have been looking for?”
He asked,
My body trembled at his voice,
But my hand immediately reached up to grasp for his outstretched one,
And I answered him in my heart,
Because I knew he understood it,
“No, I think your what I’ve been looking for.”